“It is natural to reflect upon your hopes and dreams, losses and grief during the holidays. And if you belong to the imaginary club of ‘Couples Without Children,’ your pain may not be obvious to others,” he said.
“Infertility is a medical condition. It’s not all in your head. Our responses to this condition should to be as positive as possible particularly around the holidays,” he says. Research has shown that the stress associated with fertility treatment can be comparable to the stress associated with serious illness. More than 20 studies have shown that distress can cause or contribute to infertility, the duration of infertility, and indication for successful fertility treatment.
Holiday stress
Letterie offers these tips for patients for dealing with well-meaning families and friends who do not grasp the extra emotional challenges of infertility during the holidays:
- If the holidays are stressful, look to the days ahead: you will probably feel much better after the holidays are over. Set your sights on January but try as best you can to savor the holiday moments ahead with family and friends.
- Plan something during the holidays that is especially nurturing for you and take a moment strictly for yourself.
- Focus on the parts of your life that are going well. Spend more time with people who help you relax and minimize time with those who add stress to your life.
- Plan extra stress reduction and relaxation time, such as yoga, breathwork, and acupuncture.
- Consider counseling for improved communication, emotional expression, and insight. Involve your partner or if single, close friends.
- People want to help but may not know the best way to offer a hand. Do them (and yourself) a favor: find a way to let them know in advance what you need.
- If possible, try to avoid events that will be especially difficult. Give yourself permission to decline any invitation that may be a difficult social setting. You’ll find the words to explain and others will find the heart to understand.
Holiday food and fizz
Feasting and over-indulgence are a big part of many holiday celebrations. A 2006 study by the American Psychological Association showed that people also are more likely to turn to food and alcohol as a means of reducing stress during the holiday season. Letterie offered these suggestions for managing stressful holiday food and drink challenges:
- Bring non-alcoholic drinks as your party gift and drink them.
- Tell your host you are the designated driver.
- Watch your alcohol consumption—both of you! Research from Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston presented at the annual meeting of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine found that couples in which both partners drank four or more alcoholic drinks a week decreased their chances of having a live birth by 26 percent.
- Eat a healthy meal before you go to a party. Skip the buffet and focus on conversation.
- Enjoy some good fat, like whole-milk ice cream. A complete absence of fat is not healthy and can jeopardize natural hormonal cycles that regulate ovulation.
- Give priority to unprocessed foods such as whole grains, fruits, and vegetables.
Letterie reminds people that holidays are “wonderful times to look around, renew friendships and re-acquaint with family members. It’s this ‘big picture’ that helps maintain perspective and renew the energy that we all need to carry us forward through the infertility evaluation to a successful end. Remember: your infertility care and treatment are only part of your life (admittedly: a big part but still a part). The holidays can be a very effective time to step back, remember why family is so important and see the other personal aspects of our lives that are so vital to us.”
